My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
