Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
