woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
