You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
