Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
