dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
