I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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