I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
This house was built for laser tag.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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