Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize