Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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