Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
