Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
