everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
