i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
