What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
then he tried to convert me to islam
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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