Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
