Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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