Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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