did you get engaged???
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
