I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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