No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
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