Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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