Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
