i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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