Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
