at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
