god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
