So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
