awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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