I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Randomize
