So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
