just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
