Fine. I'll sleep in my office
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
