hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
