Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i barfeds in our rink
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize