The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He felt like a one man threesome
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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