then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize