i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
