remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
The adults are the big ones right?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
