You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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