if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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