I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
no, he came in my armpit
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Randomize
