Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
