I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
