he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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