meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
