If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
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