she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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