forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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