I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
