hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
it hurts more in the daytime
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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