so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
