I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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