i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
