There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
