so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
