so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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