This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
