I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
