It was confusing and full of hummus
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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