Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
