so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
