She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
