There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
