he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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