So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Farmville is her only friend.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
What a dumb baby whore.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
