I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
