You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
