The maid of honor just puked.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
