I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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