I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
