I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
