I think my fart just growled at me.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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