If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
