yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
