2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
