He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize