dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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