I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
