i just had sex bonerless
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
