So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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