But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Randomize
