I wannas sexs uuuuu
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
