Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize