Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
