I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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