we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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