I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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