You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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