he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
