Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
