Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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