Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize