Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
