woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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