Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
